|The print I hanging up at home, love this guy.|
Me: Would it be too weird if I wore thongs to work?
American colleague: Why… are you asking me this?
Me: Flip flops! I mean flip flops!
Me: (At work) I know, I’m cleaning my laptop with beer and a post-it note because I can’t be bothered to get wipes. What’s wrong with me?
Googler buddy: It’s ok, I saw someone washing a peach with sparkling water the other day.
Cashier at Plant Cafe: So just checking I’ve got your order right: there’s two poached eggs, subbing in a fruit salad on the side, a banana smoothie with a protein shot, then another set of poached eggs, with greens instead of potatoes and green smoothie subbing in coconut water instead of almond milk.
Me: Yep that’s right
Aussie expat buddy: When did we become like this?
(Meeting Silicon Valley overachievers)
New buddy: Do you have any hobbies?
Me: Um, sure - I guess I like to go running sometimes
New buddy: Oh great, like ultramarathons?
Me: No, no… more like regular run-down-the-block-and-back… style of… running.
(Meeting Silicon Valley overachievers - Take 2)
Me: I don’t really have a special skill to be honest.
New buddy 1: You’re a cute girl in tech - that’s rare?
Me: I’m not convinced that’s a skill. Also, that “skill” has an expiry date.
New buddy 2: Well, so do mine. I mean, I was only the Rubik’s cube world champion for 2011.
(At Dolores Park)
Hipster: Anybody want some (hash) cookies?
Me: *Looking blankly at him*
Hipster: Oh, don’t worry - they’re 100% organic.
Me: That’s not why I’m hesitating.
Our Director reviewing a chart I put together: So, if we change the date ranges, the curve will just go straight up right?
An actual BA in the room: I’m… not sure that’s true.
Me: So, that’s not actually a regression line… I just sort of drew it up using the curve tool…
Me: I went to art school, ok!
SF cab driver: Whenever I want to meet women, I go to Whole Foods. Forget the bars, forget the clubs - you meet a girl at Whole Foods and you jus' *know* she's into organic, and daaamn! Them organic women are good!
Googler buddy: Should we do the slide now?
Me: What presentation is this for?
Googler buddy: No, I’m talking about the actual slide. Like, in the foyer.